Peeta's Wedding Thoughts
by imdifferentnotwerid
Summary: Peeta's thoughts in Cacthing Fire after Katniss tells him that they have to get married.one-shot


I lay down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Katniss and I were going to get married. It's all I ever hoped for, ever since I seen her sing when we were six. There's only one problem with it. She doesn't love me, not even the tiniest bit. She loves Gale and he loves her. At least I get the satisfaction of knowing that he'll never have her. But I'll have to live knowing that I took that happiness away from her.

I was jealous of Gale, he was always with her. He was the reason that I never talked to her. A couple times I would try to go up and talk to her but Gale would always get in my way. Twice he glared at me before walking away. I think he got in my way on purpose. Gale was the reason most boys stayed away from Katniss. At first I thought it was just brotherly, but then I saw it as something more.

I know Gale's no excuse for not talking to her when we were younger. When we were younger I was a bit intimidated by her, she was just so spirited. I didn't think she'd want to spend time with me. After I gave her that bread, I thought I'd finally speak with her, maybe we'd be friends, perhaps something more when we were older. It never happened, at school Katniss didn't talk to me. I was never sure why, but that was my first real experience of heartbreak. At little after that Gale came into the picture. I'd see him more and more with Katniss, and everyone knew to stay away from her.

I sighed Katniss would probably be with Gale if it wasn't for the Hunger Games. If Prim had never been picked Katniss would have gotten older and fallen for Gale like everyone else did. I suppose the games did one good thing. They let me believe that Katniss might actually love me. Of course those dreams were crushed and stomped on when we got back to 12, but for a little while my dreams came true. I didn't even care that they became real during a fight to the death.

Ever since the Hunger Games I've wanted to be with Katniss more than i had before, because I'd gotten a taste of my true desire. But she doesn't want to me, nor dose she want to marry me. I felt my heart squeeze it hurt me to think like that. It hurt to think that the one person I will ever love doesn't think much about me.

With that thought I rolled off the bed and punched a hole in the wall. I double over when I felt the piercing pain in my hand. That was not a good idea. I gritted my teeth and felt my hand it didn't feel like anything was broken. In fact I felt a lot better like hitting the wall had let out all my crushed feelings and now I was ready for the new ones.

Just because she doesn't love now doesn't mean she won't ever. Katniss thinks of me as a good friend a really good friend. In can change that with time I can get her to love me. There's nothing else I can do but try. After all if I don't I might die from despair.

The thing that always made me feel happier, was when I slept with Katniss. No not in that way, we just slept. But Katniss would curl up next to me and I would feel like she really loved me. This is what I want one day, for us both to be safe one day. For Katniss to feel safe with me. It seems a little far fetched, but a guy can dream, right?

* * *

><p>After we got back home my nightmares returned. I wake up in the middle of the night sweating. Sometimes I see Katniss dying, sometimes I kill her, sometimes I just don't make in time, but other times I lose her in a different way. In some of my dreams she runs away with Gale, or just moves away but makes sure to crush my heart first. Those are always hard, but I'd rather gave heartbreak than see Katniss dead.<p>

Katniss and I are getting married. I should be happy, this is what I've wanted most of my life. I don't though, I feel sad and angry. Angry that Gale is in love with Katniss, angry that I ever fell in love with her. Sad that i'm going to cause her pain, she loves Gale, marrying me won't make her happy. this thought gives another yank on my heart.

I guess I can still hope though. Now I'm just hoping that one day Katniss will grow to love me even if it takes years, and that she won't still try to be with Gale. Big things to hope for, but I can hope.

**OK a bit OOC. I just thought of this while rereading Catching Fire. I forgot the disclaimer so Ill put it down here. I OWN NOTHING it's sad really.**

** Please pretty please with a cherry on top review. I'll take consecutive criticism. Just not destructive criticism. R&R.**

**Most of this takes place during the Victory Tour, that last part there I'm leaving it up to you. You can decide for yourself what time and place it is.**


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